Friday, December 3, 2010

How to become a successful American President

How to become a successful American President


Here’s a guide to becoming a successful American President, in the great style and tradition of Nobel Laureate Mr. Barack Hussein Obama. Becoming a successful American President these days is so very uncommon, and so very difficult,
that one has to take help from the Do It Yourself manuals/ An Idiot's Guides/ How To Books. What with presidents like Richard Nixon, George Bush Sr. and Jr., Bill Clinton and their follies, surely a lack of interest in books, and/ or the unavailability of books, especially the How To's, is a cause of this epidemic.

The writer of this article hopes that this would prove helpful in the absence of such books on the subject matter and many a president can benefit from it, as the information presented in these very outlines has never been published before. Depending upon the success rate, the author wishes to convert this idea into a nice hard cover HOW TO book/ Do It Yourself Manual/ An Idiot's Guide, which may prove to be a coast to coast best seller. Let’s keep our fingers crossed.

The writer is also willing to accept the "Man Booker Prize” or even a “Nobel Prize" if thrown his way for thinking of writing such a book (Surely if some noble ideas can get you a Nobel Prize ...) considering the dire need of such a masterpiece on such a badly needed topic.

Qualities/ affiliations/ gadgets you need

There are certain qualities/ affiliations/ gadgets that you will need in order to become a successful president of the United States of America. You must be a handsome, likable fellow belonging to either the Republican or Democrat parties. A third possibility does not exist. In addition to this you must have an aye from the World Jewry; a nay from them can ruin your chances of existence.
Race, Color and Creed:

You must be of a Euro- American race, preferably of white color (a one time black African- American is accepted as an exception) but not of brown color. You must preferably belong to the Euro- American culture and creed. Period. The emphasis is on “unity in diversity”.

Character and charisma

Character does not matter as long as charisma is there. A charismatic personality like JFK is the formula, or a typical requirement. Recent examples of Charismatic exuberance are Mr. Jimmy Carter, Mr. Bill Clinton and Mr. Barack Hussein Obama.
Gender Based considerations

For reasons I will here forth try to explain, I would rather that a President mustn’t be from the fair sex.

i) Members of the fairer sex do not believe in marriages of convenience, or occasional affairs; they tend to be involved passionately, deeply, and affectionately. Can a gentle lady keep a harem or even a secretary (of the Lewinsky type?)(Aah, but somehow the word “gentle” doesn’t come to mind when one thinks of Hillary Clinton.)

 ii) For a member of the gentle sex it is rather difficult to check the advances of another dignitary from another country (the “I would like to hug you" sort, perhaps?).

iii) The fairer sex can tolerate anything, even when her husband is a president. But (and this but is a very big but) if the wife is the president, can a husband tolerate a Mr. Lewinsky?

 Strategic decisions

In order to become a successful US president one must take the strategic decisions with precision, caution and precaution. One must go into war in situations like operation desert storm in Kuwait or tactical surgical strikes in Pakistan, not poke your nose in wars like Vietnam, Iraq and Afghanistan, where it is easier to get in and most difficult and humiliating to get out.

Breaking away from Taboos

In American society it’s almost a taboo that the president must be a chosen one (from the Jewish lobby?). One must break this Taboo. One must try something different, having a Muslim middle name, perhaps, can be a novel idea.
 To be or not to be a Nobel Laureate

Why, a Nobel Laureate for a president is a pleasant surprise. One must make sure that he gets the Nobel by hook or by crook. The whole Muslim world believes in a reward just for thinking good ( Nee’yat) , then why can't the president of the most powerful country in the world be rewarded for his good deeds of the future, good deeds in waiting. Four presidents, Theodore Roosevelt (1906), Woodrow Wilson (1919), Jimmy Carter (2002) and Barack Hussein Obama (2009) have already shown their true grit by snatching the Nobel. A lion's share is a share where it's rightfully due.

Some very important Do's

 i)After encountering the onslaught of the shoe, ducking and dodging it successfully, do always expect a second one, as shoes come in pairs.

Some very important Don'ts

 i)Never trust the Osamas of this world. Do not give them the trade secrets. They may prove to be dangerous later on.
 ii)Never give aid to countries unchecked. Make Kerry Lugar Bill a Law.

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